29. World Suicide Prevention Day

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day.

Even though it has been 5 years since my last suicide attempt, it is still very much present in my life these days. Thankfully, I got saved and found on time. If you’d have told me then what I know now, I wouldn’t have believed you. A lot has happened in the last 5 years. Since then, I broke up with then boyfriend, moved to Ireland, and I have a baby and a business. It really gets better. Don’t worry, I do realise I am very lucky. I wouldn’t have been here to live my dreams of owning businesses and having children if it was up to me at the time.

However, it’s okay to not be okay.

I have lost a couple of friends to suicide over the last couple of years, ones that eventually did lose the battle with their minds. They’re not weak, they were tired. Tired of living like that, tired of wanting to feel better or be in a better place but it just not happening. Most of them had been fighting for years. Some were sick and wanted to end their lives so they weren’t in physical pain anymore. Some were sensitive, others addicted to whatever substances. All were very much loved, even if they didn’t realise at the time.

Cheer up?

No one’s depression was ever cured instantly by someone telling them to cheer up. Just don’t do it, it’s insenstive and frankly, rude. Even after 5 years, I still have bouts of depression. I’m still not 100% and to be fair, I don’t think I ever will be. You just learn how to adapt and how to live with it on a daily basis. You start living day to day. Some days you’ll be good, some days alright and sometimes you want to pull the blanket over your head wanting to disappear or impatiently waiting for a new day to come.

But please talk.

There are people out there willing to listen. If you’re depressed, please talk to someone. It can be the Samaritans (116 123), CCRT (085 1777 631) or Pieta House (1800 247 247).

Take care, Jx

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